Break Up? We never expect it but what if it happened? Having such feelings is completely normal and natural: agonize, sad, sorrow, lonely, empty feeling and other bad feelings. Especially when you accidentally come to a place or meet anything that triggered the memory with your ex. You may feel worse. You tried to forget everything about him, blocked all channels to contact him, but still, the past is haunting you? If this sounds like you, then at first I would say sorry for your break up.
Instead of giving some kind of supporting words, which I thought you already got them from the people surrounds you (friends, families, parents), let's see what you can do to go through these times.
1. Accept, then let go.
Accept the fact that it happened. Both of you have broken up, for whatever the cause. By accepting this, you will be able to lift some of your loads. I know this is not easy. Sometimes it's extremely hard to accept the fact. But the sooner you can completely accept it, the better you are to go through those times ahead.
Don't try to forget. Based on experiences we saw, the harder you are trying to forget, the better your mind will remind you of your memories when you are still with him. No matter how much you agonized or sorrow, don't ever try to forget anything because you will be likely feel hurts more.
The best way is to accept everything as it is and let it go as it is: your feeling, your mind, and the fact you got a breakup. This takes times, but it will surely make you feel better.
2. Hangout with families or friends.
But again, don't do this because you want to forget it or escape the reality. Instead, accept it and be grateful you still have those people you loved, and they love you. When hanging out with them, try your best to be truly with them. In case you had the hard time to do it, you can read about our tips to really live in your present.
3. Let go the urge to stalk.
Do you ever have the feeling or urge to stalk your ex social media? You need to let go this urge. If you keep stalking him, you will be falling deeper, you will feel worse. Accept that he is not yours anymore and he had become one of the people you met in the past.
This can be the hardest but can give you the best result. For whatever his mistakes, you need to forgive him. Forgiving does not mean to forget all of them. Keep in mind that he has done those mistakes to you but you had forgiven him. When you can really accomplish this, this will be like lifting up most of the loads in your heart.
After you accepted that those pains feelings were normal, or if you still find it too hard to accept, you can try this self-talk method. Ask yourself:
- Is it really that bad? Have you gone through the worse than this and survive?
- Did you really lose everything? Yes, really everything?
- You still have friends and families and peoples care for you, right? Are you paying attention to them?
- Is it the end of the world, seriously? – No, I bet the world is still up there, running as usual.
- What can you do now, that you are single and free?
- What are favorite things you really want to do, but you can't do it because of you are still in a relationship?
Even better, if you can write your answer. Write it anywhere, either offline or online, publicly shared or not, completely up to you.
6. Do the things you love.
Especially those things you really want to do but you can't do it when you are still in a relationship with your ex. Do really enjoy and appreciate it. Probably you want to eat your favorite meals but your ex completely hate it? Probably you want to travel around the states but your ex forbid it? Probably you really want to meet all of your friends but again your ex didn't allow you to meet them? The things can go on…
7. Slow down
Try to slow down to do anything and pay more attention to what you are doing. When you are taking shower or taking a bath for the end of the day, try to do it as slow as possible. If it is possible, try to fully enjoy it. Notice the pouring water flow on your skin. Notice how the smell of your soap. Notice the sensation when the water and soap touch your skins.
Another example is when you are enjoying your meals. Do it slower than you usually do. Maximize your senses to see, smell, and taste the meals. Even better if you can enjoy your most favorite one.
Or when you are lying in the bedroom, notice the sensation of your skin touching up your bedcover. Notice how the blow from the air conditioner touched up your body. Notice how comfortable your bedroom is. Notice how you slowly feel more sleepy and your eyes are heavier.
When you do everything slower (when possible), you won't think about your ex and your broken heart. But don't do it as an escape, but do it with this thing in your mind: My heart is broken now, and I accept it and forgive it. Slowly take your breath and enjoy it.
Over time, without you realize, you will see that you have survived those times, those difficult times after you broke up.